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Jeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding
Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems.
His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling
apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop
drinking.
Two things were immediately apparent in my first session with Jeffrey.
First, he had completely abandoned himself, making others responsible for
his self-worth. Due to his unwillingness to take responsibility for his own
feelings, he was constantly pulling others for approval with his “niceness.”
His inauthentic saccharine niceness felt like sticky glue trying to ooze its
way into having control over getting others’ approval. Needless to say, it
was not working for him.
Second, he had no spiritual connection, no Source to turn to for love,
comfort and guidance. As anyone who has attended AA knows, being able to
turn to a spiritual Source is essential for healing. The support of the
people within the program can help sustain abstinence, but true healing
comes from the inner spiritual connection.
No one had ever confronted Jeffrey with how much they were put off by his
controlling niceness. They would just go away, leaving him to wonder what he
had done wrong. At first, when the Intensive participants told Jeffrey about
feeling pulled at for approval, he felt hurt. But within the loving energy
of the Intensive, he was soon able to open to learning about the gift they
were offering him. He was able to see that, because he was abandoning
himself by ignoring his feelings and judging himself, he was handing others
responsibility for his feelings of worth.
Once Jeffrey opened to how alone he felt inside when he abandoned himself,
he was able to move into compassion rather than judgment for his feelings.
As his heart open to compassion for himself, he began to feel the love that
is always within and around us – the love that is our Source.
As a result of learning and practicing the 6-Step Inner Bonding process and
connecting with himself and his spiritual Guidance, Jeffrey no longer wanted
to drink. The alcohol was filling up the inner emptiness caused by his
self-abandonment and disconnection from his Source. He left the Intensive
with no desire to drink. Jeffrey has been alcohol-free for many years now.
Rachael had been struggling with her alcoholism for 19 years before
attending an Inner Bonding Intensive. While she had a strong belief in God,
she had never felt a deep and personal connection with God. Like Jeffrey,
she had used alcohol to fill the emptiness and avoid the pain that came from
her own self-abandonment and disconnection from her Source. Rachael was
constantly judging herself as inadequate. Until the Intensive, she had
believed that her pain was being caused by others’ behavior towards her –
others’ judgments of her. At the Intensive, she discovered that she was not
a victim – that her pain was being caused by ignoring her feelings and
judging herself, as well as by not speaking up for herself with her husband
and family.
As Rachael learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she started to
attend to her own feelings and make the connection between her pain and her
self-judgments. She also started speaking up for herself. As she opened her
heart to her Source, to her feelings, and to the beautiful essence within
her, she discovered a joy that she had never felt in her life. The inner
emptiness and anxiety that had been her constant companions were gone. Gone
too was her desire to drink.
Addictions are caused by self-abandonment – by ignoring your feelings, by
judging yourself, and by closing your heart to your Source. They can be
healed.
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