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When children first begin to make friends their
relationships are pretty straightforward, and any arguments tend to be
innocent (generally a “Hey, you took my GI Joe!” type of situation). Most of
the time, a simple “I’m sorry” will put an end to any misunderstandings. As
the years go by and children grow up, the disagreements between them can
become a bit more complex. How you help your child cope with such situations
can set the tone for how your child handles conflict throughout his
childhood, and even into adulthood.
The first time your daughter comes home in tears due to a conflict with a
playmate can be heartbreaking. After all, we want to protect our children
from the painful situations life may throw at them. Of course, this isn’t
always possible. On a positive note, learning to effectively resolve
conflicts can only help your child as she grows up. One day she may have to
deal with the experience of having one or more friends turn against her –
after all, children can be unreasonable and sometimes cruel. If this
happens, it’s essential that you help your child cope with the situation and
teach her to overcome it.
If your son does happen to find himself at the receiving end of some
bullying or bad behavior, the first thing you need to do is sit down with
him and explain that it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the friendship
and it’s definitely not the end of the world. Be sensitive, though. To him
it may very well seem the end of the world. Don’t discount what he’s
feeling. Let him know gently that things will, and always do, get better.
Try to help your child decide if this is a Big Deal or a Little Deal. If
it’s a Big Deal, well then let’s deal with it. If it’s a Little Deal, maybe
we can let it go and move on to brownies.
Ask your child to explain what happened. If it’s something your child did
wrong, encourage him to apologize for what he did. Just like in the grown up
world, an apology can go a long way! If it’s something the other child or
children have done wrong, encourage your child to stand up for himself.
Learning to stand up to what they know is right will enable your children to
develop confidence and inner strength. It’s definitely not always the
easiest road, but it’s the right one. Make sure they understand that using
words instead of fists is the right way to go!
If there really is no basis for the argument or the other children are being
stubborn and even downright unreasonable, encourage your child to think
about hanging out with a different crowd. The friends a child has will have
an impact on who he or she becomes as an adult, and your child may be better
off making more agreeable friends in the long run.
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